Narrative Writing (Paper 2): Examiner Report 2

 Narrative Writing

 

3(a) Write a narrative which includes the words, ‘… all the screens went blank ...’

 

 

Examiners sometimes saw narratives which did not comfortably fit with either title or where the quotation in Question 3(a) was not really important to the story as a whole.

 

More effective responses, as is often the case in narrative writing, were well organised and thoughtful interpretations of the title which used interesting, credible storylines and paid attention to the reader’s engagement with well-rounded characters.

 

Both narrative titles implied some build-up of tension or a moment of jeopardy and most candidates made use of this to help construct their stories.

 

There were various structures employed in strong responses to the first question, rather than straightforward chronological recount. Stories sometimes began with the quotation from the title with some skilful release of significant detail as the story unfolded. One effective story began with the quotation, as a hospital monitor went blank after the patient had been involved in a prank that had gone wrong. Another was set in a high-tech office where bored and under-used young staff members hoped for some challenging work in their pursuit of hacking criminals, only to be confronted with a major cyber-attack on themselves. This narrative included some skilful characterisation and used sparing but precisely observed details to show the relationships between characters: ‘I caught the Supervisor’s eye as I scanned the room, lost in the tedium of another long afternoon of nothing. He lifted one eyebrow almost imperceptibly and I knew my card was being marked in the next round of redundancies.’

 

Some high-scoring narratives were written in specific genres, with sci -fi scenarios or stories about contemporary battle zones. Effective responses showed an ability to create characters that were believable, even if the scenario itself was fantastic or unfamiliar. Science fiction stories or narratives set in the future were often very successful if the characterisation of the main protagonists was credible and rooted in detail and observation. Some school stories involved cheating such as downloading examination papers from the Principal’s computer and there was a range of crime stories in which CCTV screens were involved. While there were some graphic or violent scenes included in many responses, at the highest level these were written with restraint and control which made them all the more effective.

 

Middle range narratives were usually more straightforward in structure and approach and in some cases these responses sometimes relied on some rather basic accounts of friends gathered around a television screen for an important match or televised event. Examiners could award marks in Band 5 for Content and Structure, even where the sequence of events was perhaps pedestrian and lacked drama and pace, provided the narrative was organised and there was some attempt at characterisation. Responses in this range, whilst often more predictable, were cohesive and balanced and contained a suitable ending depicting some resolution or conclusion to the story overall, although some endings were a little lacking in impact.

 

Some began with the title quotation but resorted to ‘It all began when…..’ to relate how this point was

reached, producing clear accounts which were cohesive but without the drama and impact of more effective responses.

 

Less effective responses were often more dependent on a simple series of events which led up to a moment of tension, as implied in the task, but which lacked attention to characterisation and setting. A simplicity of content rather than weaknesses in organisation were typical at this level. The football match being watched by a group of friends would be stopped by the screen going blank at a crucial moment and the rest of the story involved the disappointed characters trying to find a way to discover the result or restore the power. Characters were identified, often in a list of names, but there was less in the way of real characterisation and observation of individuals and relationships. While the majority of less effective responses has some simple but clear sequence of events, there were fewer features of a developed narrative style. Occasionally, Examiners found that responses lacked a sense of narrative drive and purpose and were more akin to straightforward reporting of events.

 

 

3(b) Write a narrative about a journey you make on your own for the first time.

 

For the second narrative question, there were varied interpretations of the idea of a ‘journey’. Many narratives made use of the idea of a journey as a kind of rite of passage which was implied in the title. Many responses were built around an actual journey undertaken for the first time with some trepidation or nervousness.

 

Travelling to visit relatives in other regions or countries, by bus, train or plane, was a common topic, as was leaving home to study at a university or college far from home.

 

Others used the idea to convey the sense of a personal journey involving some important milestone or decision which led to some significant change in the narrator’s life.

 

Both approaches resulted in some high level, effective and engaging stories.

 

Narrators sometimes embarked on a metaphorical journey towards a goal. In one which used the task in this more figurative way, for example, the writer began a search for a long-lost brother in an attempt to heal a family rift. Others used the ‘journey’ in a more concrete way but controlled the narrative effectively using credible, if dramatic events such as the hijacking of a bus in deserted bushland. The reactions of the terrified passengers depicted were entirely credible and engaged the reader throughout. While these kinds of ideas featured across the mark range, more effective responses prepared the reader and shaped the narrative in an engaging way. Another successful response featured a deeply troubled narrator, escaping from domestic turmoil, whose anxieties and fears were convincingly developed to engage the reader’s sympathy. The journey itself became a vehicle through which the narrator revealed the events and relationships which had led to this point, so that the physical journey became a more metaphorical pathway to a better life.

 

Responses given marks in Band 6 were usually simple accounts of events and showed limited awareness of the reader or the features of narrative writing which elevate a sequence of events into a real narrative. Scenarios which quickly became cliched and unengaging were used, such as murders, kidnappings or chases, many of which lacked credible explanation. These responses lacked narrative shaping and interest. Some produced organised and paragraphed pieces which were more a series of events than narrative in style and intent.

 

High marks for Style and Accuracy were given for responses where the writing was lively and varied in vocabulary and where different sentence structures were controlled and used to create particular effects. Punctuation within sentences, particularly in the use of dialogue and for effect, was skilfully used in responses in the higher Bands and where coupled with a sophisticated and precise use of vocabulary, the highest marks were given. Responses awarded marks in Band 6 tended to be less ambitious and complex but still accurate and largely fluent while Band 5 responses were plain in style and lacked some range in vocabulary but had few errors which damaged the clarity of meaning such as weak sentence control and sentence separation. There were, at almost all levels of achievement, errors where words were wrongly divided or joined, such as ‘alot’, ‘aswell’, ‘eventhough’, ‘can not’, and ‘all though’. ‘Although’ was fairly often used where ‘however’ was needed.

 

Errors in sentence control and separation, as well as lapses in tenses, limited otherwise competently told stories to Band 4, as did frequent errors in basic punctuation or grammar. The omission of definite and indefinite articles, the incorrect use of participles or errors in grammatical agreement contributed to a lack of fluency and accuracy which kept many responses out of Band 5. Similarly, basic punctuation errors and the mis-spelling of simple words and wrongly selected homophones (‘it’s/its’ and ‘your/you’re, especially) commonly appeared in otherwise competent writing and were sometimes frequent enough to affect the mark for Style and Accuracy. The most frequent reason for keeping an otherwise clearly written story out of Band 5 was weak demarcation of sentences, most commonly the use of commas where full stops were needed. The mixing of tenses within a narrative, sometimes within a sentence, was also prevalent. This was more marked in descriptive writing but also occurred in narrative writing, where stories seemed occasionally to have been transcribed from speech: ‘Suddenly, a man appeared in a corner of the train carriage. He has a gun in his hand pointing straight at me.’

 

A controlled, competent style secured a mark in Band 5 and even when written in a fairly pedestrian style Examiners could award a mark of 7 or 8. Where there were errors, even quite frequent errors, but the style had more ambition and variety, a mark of 9 was awarded. Weaknesses in constructing sentences, comma-splicing or frequent basic spelling and punctuation errors resulted in marks below Band 5. In some cases, despite accurate sentence construction, sentence structures were simple and repetitive and the vocabulary was limited and fairly simple. A few responses were very brief and faulty in style, making it difficult to follow the meaning. These were given marks lower than Band 4.

 

Ways in which the writing of narratives can be improved:

 

·          think about the build-up towards the most important moment in your story

·          try to consider alternative interpretations of the titles given; do not try to make a story fit the title if the ideas used are not appropriate

·          characters’ thoughts and feelings help to engage your reader; do not rely on events

·          check your writing for errors which will badly affect your mark, such as basic spelling and punctuation mistakes.