Extended Response (sample): Aunt Pegg, Nov 2013

 Nov 2013

Part 1

Read Passage A carefully, and then answer Questions 1 and 2.

 

Passage A

 

Aunt Pegg

 

Our parents were over-indulgent towards us, and we were happy but not particularly well-behaved children. Maybe they felt guilty because, on one occasion, they had to leave home for two weeks on

business and invited our Aunt Pegg to look after us. She accepted the challenge eagerly.

 

Vile Aunt Pegg! Leering, sneering, peering Aunt Pegg! We would be enjoying a friendly fight or just sitting doing nothing when she would pounce on us like a cat, and savage retribution would follow. As we stood in the corner of the room with hands on heads, she would snarl, ‘How dare you! Making my tidy room messy, wasting your time. I saw you!’

 

Aunt Pegg had eyes on sticks. How she saw us we never knew: one moment she wasn’t there, the

next she was on top of us. She was a wizened, tiny woman of great muscular strength and energy,

and her mouth was like an upside-down new moon without the hint of a smile.

 

She constantly spoke of her ‘philosophy of life’ but we only experienced the superficial features of it.

She kept us occupied at all times, sweeping the yard, tidying the house and learning to cook tasteless, crumbling cakes. On the first day she blew a whistle to order us downstairs to a breakfast of chewy, sugarless oat cereal. The sugary, salty foods we loved were locked away, and eating our morning bowlful was a lonely marathon. If we didn’t eat it all up, we were given extra cleaning to do.

 

By day two we were very mournful children. Nostalgia set in as we remembered our happier past. We went about our daily tasks like little zombies. We became uncommunicative and even forgot (to our Aunt’s extreme pleasure) to insult each other. Both of us longed for the day when our dear parents would return and unlock the barred doors of our prison.

 

On day three we were introduced to our educational programme. She set us impossible mental arithmetic sums at tremendous speed and always finished with ‘And twenty-nine, add ’em all together and take away the number I first said’. Then there was ‘Reading Improvement’, which consisted of moral tales from the nineteenth century, and ‘Practical Farmwork’, which mostly involved the identification and eradication of weeds. We were not allowed to re-enter the house until we had successfully whispered the name of the plant into Aunt Pegg’s good ear. If we did not use the official Latin name she would snap at us. ‘You wicked child! It is certainly not Hairy Stinkweed. I’ll not have swearing in my house!’

 

Of course we attempted to break free. It happened on a visit to town, while we were carrying the heavy bags with Aunt Pegg marching behind, tapping her walking stick like an officer in the army. At a mutual sign we dropped the bags and ran for it. Our Aunt seemed prepared for this. She blew her whistle and shouted ‘Stop thief!’ and we were painfully restrained by several burly members of the public.

 

When we reached home we were given a stern lecture on ‘philosophy’ and ‘morals’ and sent to bed

with just a slice of bread, some cheese and a lettuce leaf. We hated lettuce. Apparently much of Aunt Pegg’s philosophy was connected with diet. She must have thought that we were lazy, naughty children who needed strong routine and discipline to prevent the rot from setting in. How we cried with joy when our smiling parents returned, bearing presents and hugging us tight.

 

 

Imagine you are Aunt Pegg. After one week of looking after the children, you write a letter to their

parents in which you:

 

• give your impressions of the children;

• give an account of your progress with them so far;

• tell your plans for the next week.

 

Write your letter. Base it on what you have read in Passage A.

You should write between 250 and 350 words. Use your own words.

Up to fifteen marks will be available for the content of your answer, and up to five marks

for the quality of your writing.

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Suggested answers/responses:

 

Mark A (Impressions)

 

_ lazy (‘sitting doing nothing’/getting up in the morning/maybe slow to do tasks (her

explanation of ‘like zombies’)

_ naughty/indisciplined (fights/what she thinks is swearing/episode of bags in the street)

_ spoilt (over-indulgent/allowed to eat sugary foods/leave food)

_ untidy (‘making my tidy room messy’)

 

Mark B (Progress)

 

_ keeping watch/control (eyes in the back of her head!; blowing whistle)

_ punishments (extra cleaning/stand in corner/early to bed/no proper food)

_ tasks/keeping occupied (cleaning/sweeping/tidying)

_ education (cooking/arithmetic/‘good’ books/nature study)

_ diet (lock away salty and sugary foods/make them eat lettuce)

 

Mark C (Plans for the next week)

_ reward more of the same e.g. extensions of education programme, tightening of discipline,

more dietary ideas

_ or what Aunt Pegg sees as some relaxing of the regime, realising that the parents will be

returning; perhaps she has some ideas of rewards

_ or some other, invented happening that Aunt Pegg has lined up for the children which relates

to her expectations of them as shown in the passage

_ make sure that you can discern some relation to the content of the passage before rewarding

 

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Samples

 

Candidate T (actual script – unedited)

 

Dear Mr & Mrs Pegg,

 

                How is your Business trip so far? I hope it isnt to stressful. However I cannot say the same about your children. Those insufferable, spoilt, ignorant pair are constantly up to mischief but I have kept a stern eye on them and they seem to be accepting to new regime I have put into place for them. I believe that you two need to be more strict on them and stop them partacing in this petit, immature, frustrating play fighting that they seem constantly to be doing.

 

                Firstly, we had fun sweeping the yard and tidying the inside of your incredibly messy house.

Shortly after they, your children got the privelige of being taught how to make my wonderful fairy cakes, I think that they really enjoyed it. The next day I made them a scrumptous yet healthy breakfast of oat cerial and then they set about their daily chores without question. On the third day I attempted to educate the ignorant brats by giving them a few simple Math equations that they seemed incapable of doing. When they had failed on that I begun some Reading Improvement which they did not seem to appreciate. The final educational gesture of the day was a little Practical Farmwork, and with a little push they seemed to respond relatively well to it. One complaint however. Those little wretches attempted to stage a run away, which was

easily quelled by my incredible reaction times.

 

                During the week to come, I think I will teach the children a little more about life and how they take everything they have for granted. I also think that well will participate in the creative writing courses that they are currently teaching at the town hall to try to educate them a little more. Finally, I have arranged for the children to visit a few of my friends houses to do some chores around the house as there is little more to do in your now clean house.

               

                Your Welcome for all the good I have done for your children.

 

 

Enjoy the rest of your Holiday

Aunt Pegg.

 

 

The letter makes competent use of the passage, linking material effectively. Although there is little actual development, the third section contains a range of new ideas. The language used is mostly convincing, though there is some inappropriate expression, in the context, such as the description of the children as ‘ignorant brats’ and ‘little wretches’.

 

Mark: 11 (reading/content) + 4 (quality of writing)

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Candidate U – (actual Script – unedited)

 

Dear John and Lisa,

 

                I am flattered that you have asked me to look after your children, and I hope you are enjoying yourselves. Despite your obviously good influence on the children, I find them quite mutinous and difficult at the best of times. When they are not trying to avoid doing their share of work around the house, they are clearly plotting minor acts of rebellion. I have learned to appreciate a free spirit, however I have never been abused as much as by your children.

               

                You will be pleased to know that I have made some progress towards turning them into obedient and well-behaved children, and I have no doubt they are benefiting greatly from my influence. I have started to teach them the beginnings of how to manage a household and take care of their property: For example they are becoming quite adept at baking my favourite rock cakes, and have learnt the basics of garden weeds and how to deal with them. By the end of the second day, they had already stopped using foul language, and have started studying some excellent nineteenth century literature. I was, to tell the truth, quite appalled at their insolence and ignorance, but I know that if you give me another week I can rectify these problems and drive your children away from the slippery slope that can lead only to their own doom.

               

                In the next week I will start to hone the basic skills I have taught them, and also add some talent to their young minds. I will have them start practising the piano which stands in your drawing

room, and teach them about classical painters such as Matisse and a few well-known English artists. My aim in this is to improve their knowledge of their own heritage, of which they know embarrassingly little. I will also take them to see the great cathedral at Canterbury on Sunday for grand mass. I hope that they will gain a feel for religion, and maybe even become good, God-fearing

people like myself. I will have them pray for your safe return every night and every morning.

 

 

With kind regards,

“Aunt” Pegg.

 

 

There are many examples in the letter of the effective use of apt and sometimes original detail. Section C is fully addressed. Although the mark edges into the top band, it is recognised that the passage has been selectively rather than comprehensively used; for instance her philosophy, military routine and punishment regime are not referred to.

 

The style is convincing and the voice strong, as conveyed by such phrases as ‘plotting minor acts of

rebellion’, ‘appalled at their insolence’, and ‘the slippery slope’. The vocabulary is mature and appropriate throughout, e.g. ‘mutinous’, ‘adept’, ‘rectify’, and ‘heritage’. There is also a sound structure to the response and the material is sequenced and coherent.

 

Mark: 13 (reading/content) + 5 (quality of writing)

 

 

 

Now, do task 1. Do not forget to use some of the following phrases in your letter:

 

I will have them                                however                              you will be pleased to know that

also                                        I have not doubt that     if

my aim in this is                                I hope that                          in the next

by the end of                     despite                                 for example

am flattered that             when   

                                                                                                                               

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